Well hello! This is one of those posts that if you haven’t read the About Me tab on my blog, you may wanna.
Have you guys and gals read this Smart Bra article? Go read it first, then come back here. Seriously, go.
Welcome back! So if they are going to make a Smart Bra for ladies that tells them not to eat emotionally, shouldn’t they make something for dudes as well? I mean, ladies are emotional beings. Men are sexual beings. At least that’s what the book Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus says. Therefore, an invention must be born. Let’s call it the Testicle Tester? or the Jerking Jock? How about the Ball Barometer? Hmmm, I like that one since it measures pressure. It can tell you when…..wait for it…..wait for it…..a dude is aroused!
Not only will the Ball Barometer gently lift and caress your balls, it can actually detect when a male is thinking about sex! How’s that, you ask? There are sensors in just the right place that will go off as soon as the penis starts to go erect. It too, can help males control urges by announcing “DANGER WILL ROBINISON! DANGER! Step away from the babysitter ” ever so discreetly into a dude’s ear.
It will then flash up a picture of his Mother-in-law for immediate deflation (or the least erotic photo of his choosing).
Now why the hell would a dude NEED this device? Ah, yes, I can see it’s usefulness in so many different areas. Let’s see, he’s at school or work and is about to give a presentation. Something flips his switch. The Ball Barometer goes off. NOT here! NOT now!! He’s on a first date, things are getting intense. The Ball Barometer goes off. It IS a first date! Don’t assume he/she’s a slut. The wind blows in his ear. The Ball Barometer goes off. After all sometimes that’s all it takes. He comes home from work ready to jump his wife’s (or significant other’s) bones after he/she’s been taking care of a 12 month old and a 3-year-old all freaking day long or is working outside the home and now is dealing with the bewitching hours in toddler land. Ball Barometer goes off. This is so NOT the time!
There are some issues with this invention though. Just like with a bra for the ladies, some men discard their tidy whiteys or boxer briefs the minute they get home from work, that is, IF they wear any at all. Can you say commando? Another issue, isn’t it like every 2 minutes a dude thinks about sex? Wow! So jacking off can make you go blind and the Ball Barometer could make you go deaf? Sucks to be a dude sometimes.
OMG! What if the Smart Bra and the Ball Barometer meet each other? DO NOT CROSS THE STREAMS! I REPEAT, DO NOT CROSS THE STREAMS.
It will be the end of the world as we know it.
Yep, the Smart Bra must be made by men, just like feminine products (remember my commentary on that?). It’s only fair that we women invent something for them!
